Lately given some of the things that have transpired around me, I have found myself more secluded and off distant. My desire to spend time with others is completely gone. I have fallen back into the “me zone”. Granted, I have seen people for Easter and at school, my friends in my every day life haven’t spotted me.
The effects of being sick and having miserable migraines haven’t helped either but what really has stemmed my judgment is, I don’t know, hard to say.
A friend of mine had a falling out I guess you could put it and what left me hurt the most, was how everything unfolded. He asked for some help. So I did. He asked for the truth. So I gave it to him. And when things hit the fan, I told him I would do my best to help him. A week later and everything is my fault. The stress and my horrible motives to him, betrayed him. Betrayed him? No, I did everything in my power to help the guy out. I gave him what he wanted and a simple mishap on his part left me the bad guy.
Left me as the guy my friends can’t trust anymore.
That left me as the guy who has horrible motives for his friends.
That left me as the friend who doesn’t care.
And that left me as the backstabber.
Should I care? Absolutely. I would do and still would do anything for him. But am I supposed to forget what he said. Forget the image of friends leaving me because they all believe it’s true. Can I get past the fact that my honesty caused this to happen. Does this mean that I need to look at myself in a different manner now? Do I need to go out and prove to everyone again who I really am?
Everyone in life is looking for an identity. I know I’m not the guy listed in the bullets above. I have many friends, MANY, that trust me, respect me and care for me just like I do for them. Sometimes in life we have to bite the bullet and let things go.
And this may be that time.
Adam
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